London Bombs
by millificent228
Summary: I hold my breath. Shepard isn't - can't be - talking to me, surely? Impatient, he speaks again. "I don't have time for this! Who are you- how are you on this frequency?" This is the moment that I should stop - turn the computer off, walk away. But I don't. A/N: Another self-insert (yes, yes, I know), but with a slight twist. FAIR WARNING: ME3 Spoilers.
1. Leaving Earth

A/N: First of all, if you've even had a look this far, thanks so much! This is a story I started writing just for fun, and decided that since I'm still writing months later, I might try uploading it. It's coming along rather slowly though, sadly, because I have Uni work, so although I have a few chapters written up already, I probably won't be uploading the next until I have the most recent chapter finished. This is only so that I have some pre-prepared and such, and hopefully I should be able to update every two weeks or so.

Anyways, hopefully you have fun reading, sorry if it seems a little slow to start, but I have to try and set everything up. If you like it, or have any critique, please drop me a review or a message, and above all, enjoy!

Have a great day guys!

-M

* * *

_I saw a UFO and nobody believed me._

_- Sneaky Sound System, "UFO"_

Three days after l finish my first play-through of Mass Effect 3, I decide to start the game again. It's been on my mind since I finished it, and it's starting to affect my uni work. I've finally decided that the only way to fix that is to give it another go... hopefully with better results.

Still carrying the emotional scars of getting my entire squad (and my Shepard) killed first time around, I decide not to import a save, but to start completely anew. In preparation, l download the Genesis 2 DLC; so that l can still exert a little control over how the story plays out.

Waiting with bated breath for the new content to install, I decide two things; first, I will play as a male Shepard this time - not usually my first pick, being a girl myself - but perhaps it will be good to change things up a little, especially because I don't know if I could bear to play as a female again so soon. Second, and most important; this time I won't screw things up.

A blip on my screen tells me that there's been an error; that the content will probably still play, but that something went a little wrong. I acknowledge it; clicking "ok", and proceed to booting up the game anyway. I am not patient enough to bother working out the problem, and that's one of my first mistakes.

Genesis 2, the interactive comic geared to let you make the critical choices from the last two games, pops up immediately when I select "New Game." I don't get any character customisation screens, and I wonder if that means that I can only play with the default Shepard model. For a moment, the lack of choice irks me, but then I realise that l probably would have gone with the default anyway, so I push my annoyance aside.

l hurry through the comic, keeping my choices pretty much the way I had during my previous play-throughs. I hesitate only once; at the Virmire sacrifice. For once, considering I am about to play as a male Shepard, I think about saving Ashley, but in the end I can't do it. l have a massive soft spot for Kaidan; he is always my usual Shepard's love. Even if this time l have no intention of romancing him, I guess I still want him along for the ride.

The rest of the choices come more or less easily, and finally the real game begins. l watch Shepard talk to Anderson, to Vega, and the stilted reunion with Kaidan. I'm only half paying attention, having played through this before, instead taking in the scenery, and checking out my new character.

The default male Shepard has close-cropped, dark hair, and what appears to be permanent 5 o'clock shadow. Not really the look I might have picked, but it suits him well enough. As the cut-scene continues, I swirl the mouse around, waiting for a dialogue choice.

The world on the screen spins disconcertingly. I blink at it in surprise. You can't normally change camera angles in conversation. Or can you? Have I tried before? Could this be the result of some update I didn't know the game had made? Using the mouse, I focus the view back on Shepard, who is done with talking, and is now heading into the defence meeting with Anderson.

Hang on - I haven't made any choices at all. I struggle to remember if that is normal. Maybe my settings have changed? I press the escape key to bring up the menu screen. Nothing happens. frustrated, I press it again. Nothing. I try some other combinations with the same result.

By now, the Reaper attack has begun, and I know the cut scene is near its end. Maybe once the game resumes...?

But it doesn't. l watch as Shepard coughs and stumbles through the ruined room.

"What the hell is going on?" l mutter to myself. But as the words leave my mouth, something strange happens.

On the screen, Shepard jumps, and rips the earpiece from his ear. He looks tentatively at it while I watch, dumbfounded. He must decide that there's no time for caution, because he returns it to his ear. "Alright - who is this?" His voice is strong and confident, coming loudly though my headset.

l hold my breath. Shepard isn't - can't be - talking to me, surely? Impatient, he speaks again. "I don't have time for this! Who are you- how are you on this frequency?"

This is the moment that I should stop - turn the computer off, walk away. Things have just gotten too strange, and there's no way I can keep palming it off as a computer error or game patch.

But what if ...? I know that if I don't at least give this a shot, I'll absolutely regret it later. I clear my throat. "Uh... Shepard?" On screen, he tenses, and my eyes widen. He can hear me. How the hell is that possible? He's not real!

"Who are you?" He repeats, frustration hardening his voice. "Are you Alliance?" His face changes as he comes to another idea. "Cerberus?" He growls.

Still startled, I babble back a response, fidgeting with the microphone on my headset. "No-Shepard- l..." But I am interrupted by movement across the room, as another figure stumbles into sight. Shepard pulls out his pistol, the action quicker than thought.

"Anderson!" Shepard and I speak in unison as we recognise the man.

Shepard frowns, furious. "You can see us, can't you? What do you want?!" I hold my breath, unable to say a word in the face of such anger. Anderson looks confused, but Shepard holds up a hand; wait. "Listen to me," he says slowly, a false calm in his voice. "Right now, l have bigger problems. But if you, or any of your friends try to get in my way? You. Will. Regret. It."

He doesn't wait for a response, not that I have one, instead turning to Anderson. The old Captain looks tired and worn, but not badly injured. His face is full of questions, but he must decide that they'll have to wait. "Shepard," he pants. "Lieutenant Vega and Major Alenko are heading to the Normandy - we have to get off-world!" Shepard nods, and then waits, as if to see if I'll try to stop him.

I say nothing. Instead, I sit in silence and watch as Anderson and Shepard struggle their way through the rubble. Anderson leads, picking the least hazardous route he can. The air is full of dust, and the mechanical screeching of the Reapers.

This can't be happening. I've just been talking to a video game character -who, to top it off, is now continuing the game without me. I look around my bedroom- am l going insane? Everything looks normal, so I try Plan B.

I pinch myself. Nothing happens. I do it again, harder. "Ow." I look at the screen. Still nothing has charged, except now Shepard is smirking. And I have a red arm. He really doesn't like me.

A moment later, however, his smirk is gone. Shepard's face twists in concern, and he kneels down to look into a vent he had been just about to pass.

The kid. God knows how, but I'd forgotten about him, and the role he would continue to play - first in Shepard's dreams, and later, the fate of the universe - as the adventure unfurled. I watch Shepard whisper to him, and think hard. This is a part of the game I have never quite understood - was the child ever real? Or was he, even now, just a interface chosen by the Crucible to be used for interaction with Shepard?

If he was real- leaving him behind meant his death, I remember that much. Before I can stop myself, I speak. "Shepard, take him with you to the Normandy."

At the sound of my voice, Shepard flinches, sending the boy retreating further into the vent. "And here I thought we'd had the good fortune to lose you." He growls in return. The boy blinks at him, still in shock.

"I'm serious. If you want if you want him to live, you have to take him with you."

"And just what do you think I'm trying to do?" Shepard opens his mouth again to talk to the boy, but doesn't get the chance.

"Shepard, keep up!" It's Anderson, who has been continuing on ahead. "We can't afford to stop!"

At this new voice, the boy retreats even further, disappearing around a corner. Shepard sighs, straightening. Saying nothing, he starts after Anderson.

They stop again only once, to help some wounded soldiers and fight off some Cannibals and Husks; the Reaper's shore party. As they progress, I fiddle again with the mouse, cautious at first. I can shift my view, panning and spinning slowly to get a better glimpse of the surroundings, but always Shepard stays in view.

I think I could probably be quite helpful... if Shepard would listen to anything l have to say. I can see everything around the two soldiers, even before they do.

But I'm too embarrassed to say anything; in all likelihood Shepard will just get angry at me again. And besides, the two men are holding their own quite well without me. So instead, I wonder again just what is going on. I'm not asleep, if pinching myself is anything to go by, but I suppose this could be some kind of daydream? A strange, immersive daydream.

Or maybe I'm hallucinating. Dad might have been right; I've played too many video games and now I've lost touch with reality. Yet again I get the feeling that I should stop now - turn off the computer and settle into my study.

Except... Shepard's jumping onto the Normandy now, Anderson is reinstating him, and all in all, I don't want to stop just yet - real or no.

I watch Shepard survey the scene below as the Normandy begins its slow ascent. Behind him, Kaidan and James check their guns, their armour, but Shepard isn't ready to join them just yet. He stares at the shrinking figure of Anderson until movement catches his eye.

The kid again. He scampers out of a ruined building, pulling himself into an evacuating shuttle. Oh god. I know what's coming next. Without thinking, I say the first thing I can think of to try and spare Shepard what I know is about to happen. "Kaidan needs you." l blurt the words, hardly buying the lie myself, and watch in despair as Shepard's face darkens but he doesn't look away.I try again, and the second attempt is worse than the first. "You should really go give him a hand."

"How is it that you are still with me?" Shepard asks angrily, watching the shuttles below begin to rise. Confused by the outburst, James and Kaidan pause to look at their Commander. Unaware, he continues. "If you aren't Cerberus, and I still don't believe you aren't- "

He is cut off by the mechanical roar of a Reaper and suddenly the shuttles are exploding; reduced to rubble by a single blast of energy. l choke out a strangled noise. Shepard falls silent and l can imagine the guilt and anger which is surely running through his mind.

Slowly, he reaches up and presses the switch to shut the cargo bay doors, but otherwise makes no signs of moving. "Shepard, I'm sorry, it wasn't your fault- "

He interrupts me quietly, still staring at the closed door. "Did you know?" I say nothing. "You said I had to bring him with me if I wanted him to live. How could you have known?! Who the fuck are you?!" He is yelling now, and the others exchange a look.

Kaidan, still on unsure footing with Shepard, decides to say nothing. James, more forthright, speaks up. "Hey, Loco, bring it down a notch, huh? Who are you talking to?"

Shepard turns to them and puts his hand up to his earpiece. If they have any more questions, they save them for now. I take a deep breath, wondering what exactly to say.

"First of all, I am really, truly not with Cerberus. I don't really have any way to prove that, but uh... well, you can take it or leave it."I pause, waiting to see if I'll be interrupted again. Shepard just nods curtly, so I decide to go on. "Right now I'm... sitting in front of a computer, basically. l can see you, and I can see around you; James, Kaidan, the cargo bay. l have no idea how it works, before you ask. And for some reason, I can talk to you, though I really don't see how that's possible." I keep things as simple as l can, giving only a partial truth. Right now, Shepard doesn't need the existential crisis that comes with being told your entire world is a video game.

"But you know my name- you know James and Kaidan, how can you possibly see us?!" The two of them look decently alarmed at that. "And you knew that... that was going to happen! How?"

Damn. How do I go about this? "It's kinda hard to explain."

''Try." he says flatly, crossing his arms.

"Well, I uh... know some things. Stuff about you lot, your history. Saren, the Reapers, Cerberus; that kinda stuff." Now for the tricky part. "And l know your future- some of it, anyway. What it might be, if you do certain things."

"How can you know all that?"

I decide to stay as cryptic as I can. "I sort of... saw it all."

"Like a vision?" Shepard supplies, and I realise that he has provided me with the perfect story. At the word 'vision', Kaidan also becomes alert; aware of Shepard's past, and his own part in it.

"Something like that." l reply, pleased that at least for the moment, Shepard isn't accusing me of something. "And you have no reason to trust me, I know, but l am honestly just as confused as you are, and I only want to help."

Shepard sighs, looking up at the ceiling. "And just why is that?"

"What?" What is he talking about?

"Why does someone I don't know and have never heard of suddenly want to help me?"

Good question actually. " Because, uh..." Well, why do I? "Because l can, I guess." l finish lamely.

"Shepard? You on board?" Joker's voice floats to us over the intercom. Surely he knows; he and EDI have eyes and ears all over the ship. He's probably just playing dumb so it doesn't seem like he's been listening in.

"Maybe should have checked that before leaving orbit, Joker." Shepard replies, his voice considerably lighter than when he'd been talking to me. "So, you're still flying this thing, are you?" l stay silent, forgotten as Shepard reconnects with his old pilot.

"I'll go down with the Normandy before they get rid of me!" Joker replies proudly.

"Careful how loud you say that." l mutter, but apparently not as quietly as I think.

Shepard scowls. "What was that?"

There's a pause; Joker coughs awkwardly. "Uh, nothing, sir- ?"

Shepard flaps his hand at the camera in the room's ceiling. "Not you, Joker. There's some girl on my comm; says she's had a vision of our future." At the brief explanation, Kaidan and James finally look a little less confused. Instead, their expressions turn wary, as though they expect an attack at any moment.

"Oh," replies the pilot, unaware of the sudden increase of tension in the cargo hold. He sounds relieved that the Commander hasn't simply become an ass since he was relieved of service. "Well in that case, has she told you how many medals I'm gonna get once we're done saving the universe again?"

l smile. Why couldn't l have been stuck talking to him, instead of Mr. Trust-Issues? "You might want to tell him he'll have to up his game if he expects that to happen."

Shepard sets his jaw. "Not that I don't love the idea of standing here and passing banter between you two," he says dryly, so that I get the distinct impression that he very much does not enjoy that idea."But I feel like right now we have a few more important things to worry about. Joker, we need to get to the Citadel."

"Oh, right. Commander, that's why I was looking for you. Admiral Hackett's on Vidcom for you."

Shepard sighs. "I'll be right there." He nods at James and Kaidan, who still look confused, but to their credit bustle off to find other things to do. Alone, Shepard heads to the elevator, punching the button for the main floor, which also holds the war room and the comms.

He stands in silence for a moment before finally speaking. "You got a name, kid? You know all of ours." He looks around, as if he's trying to find a hidden camera, or something to indicate that he's looking back at me.

l hesitate. I don't really want to use my real name. Not yet, at least, while l still don't really know what's going on. I decide to go with the name I always give my gaming characters. "Centiel." I sincerely hope that l remember to respond to that.

"That's it?" Shepard replies, and I worry that he has already been able to tell I'm lying. Then I realise that he's actually asking if l have a last name.

"That's it."

There's a short pause as the elevator comes to a stop. "Well, Centiel, when we get a moment, you owe me a proper explanation."

"Yeah." I say non-commitally. Shepard says nothing more as he makes his way to the Vidcom.


	2. Mars

A/N: So first, can I just say a massive thank you to Chocolola, FtDLulz, Undercover Operative, and PoSR for their lovely reviews, but also a big thanks to everyone who has favourited or followed London Bombs! I honestly wasn't expecting this reception, and I hope you keep enjoying the story.

I just wanted to point out here that I try to keep things as accurate as possible, but I have made some little changes here and there, nothing too important I think. I've quite possibly made mistakes here and there, and if you catch anything you think I really need to change, by all means, let me know :)

Anyways, this chapter is up so soon because I am so grateful for the response the first got, but after this, updates are gonna probably be a lot slower because I'm trying to stay a few chapters ahead of my updates and I don't have a heap of time for writing right at the moment (Uni and work, damn!)

But thanks again (sorry for the super long Author's Note too, from now on I'll try to chuck them at the end, I just thought it was important you guys see this), and have a great week everyone!

-M

* * *

_Burn down my home,_

_My memories harden and are bright as chrome._

_Good times escape,_

_While every mistake seems to be caught on tape._

_- Maurissa Tancharoen and Jed Whedon, "Remains"_

"Settin' down in five." Shepard and Kaidan shift uneasily in the back of the shuttle as James steers it slowly toward the seemingly-abandoned archives. The trio is on Mars, sidetracked by a request from Admiral Hackett, to retrieve any information about the Protheans and the Reapers. No one else speaks, and l shift the camera around to get a look at each of the men.

James is entirely focused on driving, his brow creased and eyes flitting all over the landscape, checking for hazards. I realise that I know very little about him, having spent only a little bit of time talking to him during my first play-through. He always seemed to have a chip on his shoulder though; I wonder if I'll get to find out why this time around.

In the back, Kaidan stands next to Shepard, the two of them staring out one of the small windows. He casts small glances at the Commander, looking like he wants to say something, but can't quite figure out how to. I'm pretty sure Shepard has noticed this as well, but he says nothing, giving Kaidan time to decide how to raise the issue.

He still feels betrayed, I can see that, and I wonder how his confrontation with Shepard on Horizon went. l know it went badly with my female Shepard; I guess I assumed that it would be easier for Kaidan if Shepard was just a friend, rather than the woman he loved. But I must have underestimated the extent of their relationship; Kaidan looks at Shepard like a brother, no doubt the betrayal seemed just as bad.

How come l end up hurting people no matter what I do? I guess technically he was going to feel hurt no matter what... but I can't help but feel like all this pain is a result of my choices.

Now, though... now l have the ability to warn Shepard - to do things that weren't options before. Maybe this time I can help stop the Reapers, and save as many people as possible along the way. I can't tell Shepard everything, that's obvious, but I can help guide him through this, one mission at a time.

So as James lands the shuttle, I push aside all my nerves and speak. "Cerberus is already here." It's still only Shepard that can hear me, but he's told the others about me; what I've told him. EDI tried to analyse his comms and work out how we got linked, but to no avail. He might not trust me, but for the moment he's stuck with me, so I'm going to try to help.

Shepard simply nods, so I assume that he takes it on board. He doesn't look particularly surprised. ''Alright people," he says as the three of them pull on their helmets and step out of the shuttle. "The kid says Cerberus is here - if it's true, they're probably after the same thing we are. Our first priority is finding Liara, and securing what information we can."

"Cerberus? How did they know to come here?" Subconsciously, Kaidan looks over at Shepard as he asks. "Got any idea?"

"I don't work for them anymore, Alenko, if that's what you're asking." Last name only - somebody's cranky.

In relative silence, the three soldiers make their across the red dirt toward the compound. Even though from the air the archives had seemed abandoned, James has landed a short distance away, just in case they need to make a stealthy entrance.

The road to the archives is bound on both sides by high walls of dusty rock, limiting vision. A sudden break in the rock on the men's right affords us a view of the whole compound - as well as a huge, black cloud, moving fast.

"That's headed this way, Loco. We should get inside, fast." Shepard nods at James and breaks into a quick jog, gesturing for the others to follow. They head toward a sharp turn in the path, and I twist the camera view to look around it, already pretty sure about what I'll see.

"Cerberus right around this corner, Shepard." Immediately he slows, holding up his hand to step the others. "Half a dozen - they have hostages!" Gunshots ring out and l gasp. "Too late." l mutter angrily, and watch as Shepard bursts around the corner, taking the Cerberus soldiers by surprise.

He hits one twice in the back, shattering the man's shield, before finishing him with a shot to the head. As Shepard ducks behind an outcrop, Kaidan and James round the corner, scattering the rest of the soldiers. As they dive for cover, I catch a glimpse of their hostages' lifeless bodies and groan.

"Worry later," Shepard grunts. l feel a sliver of irritation but push it away because he's right; now is not the time. "Where are the others?"

l pan the camera. "Two in front of you and a bit to the left, behind some rocks. You have the higher ground by the look of it..." Shepard leans out of cover, pistol at the ready, and takes out the closer of the two. "James took care of one of the others, and Kaidan-" I'm interrupted by a line of energy blasts, as they race past Shepard and hit two of the Cerberus agents, throwing them into the air. "Yeah. That."

The two soldiers hit by the shockwave fall to the ground, shieldless and somewhat stunned. There, they're easy targets for Kaidan and James. Shepard doesn't wait, instead hopping over the outcrop he's been using for cover and sprinting down towards the final agent. He leaps onto the man, Omni-tool out and ready, and downs the soldier with a few powerful blows.

The entire battle probably only lasts around thirty seconds, but it feels far longer, like it has been happening in slow motion. Shepard joins the others back at the bodies of the hostages; two scientists. "Oh god." l whisper, eternally glad that l have a strong stomach. Death hadn't looked so real before, when I thought of this as simply a game.

"You tried." Shepard says, echoing the sentiment l had expressed earlier, when he saw the boy die. "They did this, not you." Through my misery I realise that he doesn't seem to consider me one of them, for now at least.

l sniff. "Thank you."

"Neither of them had a chance." Kaidan says, scanning the bodies with his Omni-tool. "There's nothing we could have done." I get the feeling he's talking more to me than the others, having heard Shepard's reassurances. I attempt a smile; typical Kaidan, trying to make others feel better.

My mental decision to save everyone possible floats back into my mind as the three continue on. At the end of this mission, Dr Eva will try to get away; then when cornered, attack Kaidan. But maybe this time, that doesn't need to happen. Maybe I can -

More gunshots scatter my thoughts as the trio reaches the Cerberus-guarded entrance to the compound. Shepard dives behind a Mako as James throws a grenade, catching three of the soldiers in the blast. Kaidan, hit by the initial spray of bullets, runs for cover to let his shields regenerate.

"James!" Shepard shouts as the lieutenant charges into the centre of the fray, fists swinging. James quickly takes down two of the guards, but a third, unseen, takes aim at his back.

"Shepard!" l cry, but the Commander is already on top of the situation, firing rapidly and bringing the final Cerberus soldier down. l sigh. "That's all of them. For now."

James turns back to the group, seeing the body of his almost-attacker, and realising what nearly took place. Shepard stalks toward him angrily. "The hell was that, Vega? You almost got yourself killed!"

James shrugs one shoulder. "You had it covered."

"You didn't know that!" Shepard huffs. "Damnit Lieutenant - we're a team here! Don't just go rushing in on your own!"

"It's what you would've done." James says under his breath, turning away.

"Not anymore." I wonder if Shepard is thinking back to his 'suicide mission' beyond the Omega 4 Relay.

During the Genesis 2 comic, I had been able to elect whether or not the whole team had made it. Going with my first Shepard's back-story, I had picked the path where only some did, but the comic was brief; l have no idea who did and didn't survive. I wish yet again that I had known just how real this would all turn out to be; l could have made better decisions, spared Shepard the deaths of his friends.

Back at the compound, the conversation is over. The three men step into the entrance lift, and, when it finishes pressurising, remove their helmets. As Shepard adjusts the controls, James keeps his distance, still stung from the recent argument.

Kaidan however, edges closer, and I realise that he's finally ready to confront Shepard properly about Cerberus. Talk about timing-

DING-DONG!

On screen, Shepard jumps with me as we are surprised by a ringing sound. "Kid, what was that?" Kaidan; now beside him, distracts himself with the wall, deciding to give us a moment.

"Doorbell," l reply, half standing. "Uh, it means someone needs to see me." I add in hurried explanation, though he probably knows what a doorbell is. "l have to go for a minute. And Shepard - try not to bite Kaidan's head off, he really has missed you, you know."

"What-?" Shepard's confused questioning is cut off as I remove my headset and hurry from my room.

At the door is a man I don't recognise, a large cardboard box at his feet. Beyond him, parked in the centre of the cul-de-sac is a large white van, its side printed with the red Post logo. Delivery.

The man greets me cheerily, fiddling with a PDA. Behind him, a woman brings another box down the path, placing it with the first. It is when she is returning with a third that the man admits defeat in his struggle with the PDA, and asks for her help.

"Happens all the time." He says apologetically, and I laugh along, hoping that this won't take too long. We chat while I wait, but my mind is far away.

Eventually, the woman gives up as well, instead racing back to the van for a pen and paper, where she logs the delivery report by hand. l hurriedly sign to say I've received the boxes, and they leave.

It is when I go to lift the boxes that I realize that the distraction isn't over. They are far too heavy for me to manoeuvre through the house, so they'll have to go in the garage. Which, of course, takes another twenty minutes; I have to first run downstairs to open the door, then back up to get the boxes, make three separate trips to move them all, and finally find places for them to sit.

By the time l return to the computer, my arms are straining and quite a bit of time of has passed. My heart sinks when I realise where the team is. "No. How could you have gotten here so quickly?"

Shepard is yelling in between pants. "James! Normandy! Anybody!" He's running so hard, I'm surprised he can get out any words out at all. Ahead of him is his target - Dr Eva, or as I tend to think of her; EDI's new body. But right now, I'm thinking a little too far into the future.

"Shepard! Look after Kaidan!" l yell, as Dr Eva steps into her waiting shuttle. But he doesn't hear me, because at that moment, the Normandy's shuttle appears from nowhere, courtesy of James, and smashes into the Cerberus vehicle.

Dr Eva's shuttle, unprepared for the impact, careens back over the team's heads before crashing to the ground. Kaidan and Liara, who l only now notice has joined the squad, are thrown off their feet by the impact. James, wrestling to keep the Normandy's shuttle under control, brings it to an emergency landing next to Shepard, blocking the rest of the squad from our view.

Shepard, unsteady on his feet, heads around it slowly. "Get to Kaidan!" I cry again, and this time he hears me. Even so, he is too late, Dr Eva's shuttle coming into view just as the robot pulls herself from the wreckage; Kaidan pushing Liara to safety. "No." l whisper.

We watch as the robot runs at Kaidan, his bullets bouncing harmlessly off her. She reaches him, grabbing the front of his helmet and hauling him off his feet, his automatic rifle dropping to the ground. "Kaidan!" Shepard shouts, starting toward them, at the same time that Dr Eva requests orders though her earpiece.

"Go!" I scream, but it's already happening; with lightening speed, the robot spins, slamming Kaidan against the wall of the shuttle, over and over. Shepard yells, not words but rage, and Dr Eva throws Kaidan away, his body crumpling. Then she turns again to focus on Shepard, and starts for him at a dead sprint.

But Shepard is ready for her, pistol out, already aiming. He has more success than the Major, thanks to Dr Eva's depleted shields and some lucky aiming. One of the shots goes through her right eye and she drops immediately, the bullet clearly hitting a something vital.

Liara runs past Shepard to kneel at Kaidan's side. l pan the camera over to them, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. "He'll be fine," l whisper to myself, and I know it's true - but he looks so dead.

"Where the hell were you?" Shepard growls. He takes a deep breath, and the next thing he says isn't with anger, just disappointment. "You could have stopped this."

The truth of that statement hits me right in the chest. I watch numbly as Shepard joins Liara and hoists Kaidan onto his back. On his way back, he points to the broken body of the robot. "Bring that." James, waiting by the shuttle, nods grimly and grabs the lifeless body.

As I watch Shepard, James and Liara board the shuttle, l bite back a wave of guilt. "I meant to save him." I'm not sure who I'm saying it to, Shepard or myself.


	3. The Citadel

_Hope can drown; lost in thunderous sound._

_Fear can claim what little faith remains._

_But I carry strength from souls now gone,_

_They won't let me give in..._

_- Malukah, "Reignite"_

Shepard doesn't talk to me on the flight to the Citadel. After reporting to Admiral Hackett, he splits his time between helping Liara put together information on the "Crucible" - the Prothean weapon they found mentioned at the archives, and sitting with Kaidan.

Thankfully the trip is quick; Shepard's time on the ship should be private, and I don't like feeling that I am watching over his shoulder. _You didn't mind when you thought this was just a game,_ a voice whispers in my head, and l tell it to shut up.

Shepard calls Huerta Memorial, a hospital on the Citadel, ahead of the Normandy's arrival. Upon landing, Kaidan - who is still quite unconscious - is whisked away on a stretcher by hospital staff. They chatter back and forth in medical jargon, checking vitals on the way.

Liara rushes on ahead to Udina, the Earth Councillor's office, leaving Shepard and James at the docking bay. "We're not going with?" James had asked as Kaidan was wheeled away, and now Shepard looks torn between the two options. Go to the hospital with Kaidan, or report immediately to the Council. James decides he's had enough of work for the moment, and excuses himself, probably to go off and lose his money at cards.

"Kaidan's gonna recover." I say, finally breaking the silence between us. A long moment passes and Shepard says nothing. Eventually, he turns and heads for the nearest elevator.

"I know." He sighs. After a moment's hesitation, he punches the button for the Presidium. "I hear that Huerta is where Chakwas got reassigned. Can't be all bad."

"You should think about asking her back, you know. She's a good doctor, I bet she'd do it, and what with the Normandy not having one, and Kaidan getting-"

"I know," Shepard interrupts my nervous babbling. "Look, kid, I don't blame you, alright?" He lets that sink in for a moment before speaking again. "I was angry, and I took it out on you. Truth is, if I'd gotten there faster, it'd never have happened. But it did, and it wasn't your fault. So quit beating yourself up about it. It won't change anything."

I wasn't expecting that. Honestly, from what I'd seen so far of Shepard, I'd expected him to hold a grudge, or at least yell at me again. Almost every interaction I've seen or had with him has seemed to end with him getting angry and asserting his authority; l assumed that that was just the way he was. Now, though, l realise just how much pressure he's been under, how hard he's been trying to keep everything from falling apart.

The elevator finally stops. As Shepard steps out, l reply. "Then you have to stop blaming yourself as well." His mouth twists and I can tell he's not ready to move on just yet. Well, neither am l, but that's what he wants me to do. "Deal?"

He stops outside Councillor Udina's office. Sighing, he puts his hand on the control panel beside the door. "Deal." Just as he is about to press the key to open the door, Shepard pauses again. "Don't suppose you could tell me how this is gonna go?"

l don't think there's really any harm in that. ''They aren't going to help you." l reply, and he groans.

"Of course they aren't."

**o0o0o**

The council meeting goes about as well as expected; the only upside being that Liara manages to help convince the councillors to look into building the Crucible. Shepard returns with Udine to his office, both men full of frustration.

The arrival of the Turian councillor surprises them; it's yet another thing that l haven't had a chance to warn Shepard about. The Turian's offer of support in exchange for the rescue of their Primarch gets Shepard's hackles up, but he accepts nonetheless, seeing no other options.

Before heading back to the Normandy, however, Shepard makes a trip to the hospital. He radios James and Liara while he's in the elevator, letting them know that he'll be leaving soon and that they should head back to the ship. The lift still rising, Shepard breathes out slowly and runs a hand over his short hair. "I should be back on Earth." He mutters wearily. "Fighting the Reapers; not dealing with politicians."

I wonder why it is we always seem to have our deep and meaningful conversations in elevators. "You're going to have plenty of chances to fight,

don't worry about that." He smiles at that, and it's nice to think that he's warming to me. Since I warned him about Cerberus on Mars and that turned out to be true, I'd say he even has some amount of trust in me.

"Well, I suppose you'd know." Huerta Memorial's waiting room is crowded with doctors and patients alike, but Shepard pushes through, heading for the rooms in back. His progress is blocked, however, by a small woman with greying hair.

"Shepard?"

"Dr. Chakwas!" He says with a mixture of surprise and warmth. His face falls, however, at her next question.

"I heard that Major Alenko was brought in. You're here to see him, aren't you?"

"Yes." Shepard replies slowly. "Do you know how he is?"

The doctor looks as though she is unsure as to how she should respond. "He's been assigned under Dr. Michel. She's one of the best here; he's in good hands."

Shepard chooses to ignore the fact that Dr. Chakwas hasn't really answered his question. "And you? How is it working with civilians again?"

For a moment she looks sad, but then forces a smile. "It is... different. I'd forgotten how demanding it is. At least working on the Normandy I didn't have to deal with hypochondriacs. Most of the time you were all too proud to admit you had even been hurt."

"You should ask her," l remind him, trying not to interfere too much in the conversation, but unwilling to let it go. "She'll say yes."

Shepard clears his throat with a cough. "Right now we're running on a skeleton crew. Could sure use you."

"I daresay you could." Dr Chakwas replies with the ghost of a genuine smile. She pauses for the briefest of moments before giving a curt nod. "I think they can probably manage here without me, though I will have to collect my things. Oh, and of course you have yet to visit the Major. Shall I meet you on the ship?"

"Docking bay D24." Shepard tells her, voice still warm, but his face now drawn from the mention of Kaidan. He bids her farewell, and then slowly continues further into the hospital.

Kaidan's room has large observation windows on each side of the door. Across these are horizontal blinds, open just enough to see into the room. Shepard looks in briefly; Kaidan is unconscious on the bed inside. I sigh sadly; I should have stopped this. But then I remember the deal I made with Shepard - I can't keep blaming myself.

The door to the room is locked, but an orderly recognises Shepard and opens it for him. I watch Shepard enter the room and realise that this really is not something I should see. Like his spare time on the Normandy, this is private; l have no right to be here. Quickly, I shift the camera's view to outside the room, Shepard becoming only just visible though one of the observation windows. Then I mute my headphones and wait in silence.

Shepard spends a long time in the room; I catch glimpses of him pacing beside the bed. I want to know what he's saying, what he's thinking, but l manage to stem my curiosity. I hope he's sticking by our deal; trying not to blame himself.

Finally, he's interrupted by the entrance of a tall, redheaded doctor; Dr Michel. I assume that Shepard speaks to her, because he doesn't leave the room for another few minutes. When he does, I see him say something, but don't get my headphones back on quickly enough to catch it.

"Sorry, what was that?" I ask as he makes his way out of the hospital.

"Menae," he sighs. "Palaven's largest moon. That's our next stop, we have to rescue the Turian Primarch." I already know that, of course, and I wonder if I should tell him that the situation is even more complex than he's been told. However, that's a decision l can make later, so I leave it for now.

"What did Dr Michel say?" Shepard is now at the Normandy's Docking Bay, and a huge window gives us a clear view of the side of the ship. Shepard stops for a moment to admire it, his face almost glowing.

"You weren't listening?"

"No," l admit. "I thought you might want some privacy, so I, uh... technically waited outside when you went in. Mute and stuff." I finish lamely, realising just how dumb the whole thing sounds.

Shepard, however, looks surprisingly thoughtful, as though this is the last thing he was expecting from me. "You really aren't Cerberus, are you?" He says softly, before answering my question. "His shoulder was hurt pretty bad, and he's still out. There was also a lot of head trauma, but he's fighting."

I am touched by his honesty. "He's tough, he'll make it."

Shepard finally tears himself away from the window, and heads to the Normandy. "Are you just saying that to make me feel better, or do you know something?"

This is yet another question I don't see the harm in answering. "Let's just say a little space-bird told me."

He stops for second, and though l don't see it, I can practically feel him rolling his eyes. "A space-bird?" He repeats with a remarkable poker face.

"Uh. Yes."

"You really need to meet Joker." Shepard says with a shake of the head as he resumes walking. "I have a terrible feeling that you two would get on."

**o0o0o**

On the way to Palaven's moon, Shepard informs the crew of the mission. James responds in much the same way Shepard did; frustrated at their being used. He grumbles and skulks away, probably back to the cargo bay to find work. Liara, used to fighting battles with smarts and politics, is more understanding. She too excuses herself, retreating to her room to gather information on the Turian Primarch. Cortez, the shuttle pilot, simply asks for approximate coordinates and leaves to prep the shuttle.

Alone in the war room, Shepard leans against the table and sighs. "You should be trying to get some sleep." l tell him carefully, trying not to sound too preachy. "Go to Menae afterwards."

"The sooner we do this, the sooner we get Turian support." He replies stubbornly. "I can sleep later; right now I have Earth to worry about."

If only it would be that simple.

* * *

Hey everyone! I know it's been a long time since the last chapter, and I'm sorry for that, but I've had a busy few weeks finishing Uni Prac and reports and all that jazz. I'm not terribly pleased with this chapter, and I realize it's short, but the next one is pretty long, and there was no other good spot to split them :( But, because I realize not much has happened in this chapter, the next one should be up within the next week, to make up for it!

I also want to say thank you to all my reviewers: Firetrail, The Creation, PoSR, Chocolola, TheWalkerChronicle and kenegi! I lost track of who I have and haven't replied to, so I just wanted to say a big THANKS! to all of you, and promise that I will do actual proper personal replies in the future :) Also, thank you to anyone following, favouriting or just plain reading this story, it means a lot to me! As usual, if you see anything that you think needs fixing, give me a yell.

Anyways, hope you're all having a lovely day, talk to you next time!


	4. A View of Palaven

_We're insane but not alone,_

_You hold on and let go._

_Like the sun we will live to rise,_

_Like the sun we will live and die and then ignite again, _

_Like the sun we will live to rise again._

_- Soundgarden, "Live to Rise"_

As the shuttle soars over Menae's surface, I realize l still haven't told Shepard that the Primarch is dead. He, Liara and James pull on their helmets, and I know that the chance is gone. Telling him now will only lead to questions and distraction, and besides; he will find out soon enough.

Cortez finds that there is no place safe to land, so the squad leaps from the shuttle into a mass of husks and cannibals. They fight their way to the nearby Turian camp, the gate opening to hurry them inside.

With the gate shut behind them, they relax for the briefest of moments, and then Shepard spots General Corinthus, the leader of the outpost.

The camp is made of a ring of small, open, temporary- looking shelters, which are themselves surrounded by walls of rock and gates of some hard metal. Defensible enough, but for how long?

The General stands with two more Turians in one of the more central structures, and as yet, has not noticed Shepard or his squad. As they approach, however, one of the other Turians whispers to him, and he turns warily. Corinthus is clearly exhausted; he explains that the situation is bad, if they don't hold the moon they will lose everything. Shepard, in turn, tells him of the mission to find the Primarch.

''Fedorian's dead." A simple statement which changes everything. "His shuttle was shot down."

Shepard blinks; that was not what he'd wanted to hear. He takes a deep breath so that his next words are calm. "So who's next in line?"

The General shakes his head. " I don't know." Sensing Shepard's next question, he continues. "Look, our long-range comms tower has gone offline; we haven't been able to get onto Command, and they're the ones who would know. l haven't had the men to spare to fix it." Corinthus pauses, and what he's about to ask is obvious. "If you were to fix it, however, you'd be doing us a great favour. And you'd be able to learn of the next Primarch."

Shepard sighs and throws a glance at Liara and James. "Guess we'll get on that then. Which way to the tower?"

The General points, and above the wall to their left, the top of a radio tower is just visible. He then swings his arm to point at a nearby gate and speaks. "My men will let you pass in and out, so long as it is safe to do so. Follow the path and you'll reach the tower." He then waves toward Shepard, and an orange Omni-Tool appears over the Turian's taloned hand. "l now have you on short-range comms - if you run into trouble, let me know. But bear in mind that I don't have that many men; we may not be able to save you."

"Acknowledged." Shepard says stiffly, turning for the gate. James huffs as he follows, Liara simply nods.

Outside the gate, the team is barraged by husks. "On your left!" I call as something plummets to the ground, exploding in a cloud of smoke and expelling more of the creatures.

Shepard spins swiftly and sprays them with bullets, killing some, wounding more. "So l take it you knew that this would be -"

"Shepard!" Liara's call draws his attention, and he turns just in time to shoot an approaching husk.

"Thanks." He replies hastily, checking his surroundings. "That this would be a wild goose chase?" Behind him, James takes out the last husk with a powerful right hook, and the path to the tower is finally clear.

"Well, I knew that the Primarch was dead, yeah." l admit. "But this isn't a total waste; you'll find the next one here too." I suddenly realise how glibly I'm speaking about someone's death, and shudder.

"You couldn't just give me the name and save us the trouble?" He gestures at the comms tower, which has just come fully into view.

"Victus." I reply quickly, feeling somewhat pleased that I know something useful. The feeling is immediately followed by guilt, so I add to my comment. "But you're gonna have to fix that tower anyway; it's the only thing that will convince Corinthus, and besides, it could really help the soldiers here."

"Yeah, yeah," Shepard says as they reach the tower. He walks around it, assessing the damage. "Just: give me a heads-up about these things from now on." It's not a request. "Liara, see what you can do. James; we've got more company."

"And I haven't even fixed my hair." Around the trio, more objects crash to the ground, expelling another wave of husks.

Shepard and James form a wall in front of Liara, who uses her Omni-Tool to pop a panel open at the base of the tower. The two of them pick off the husks as they close in, the creatures not standing a chance.

"I can't fix it from here!" Liara cries, frustrated, and closes the panel.

"Then we should-" Shepard starts to say as more husks land, this time joined by cannibals and a marauder.

"Yeah, I don't think she's listening." James interrupts, sparing a second to point a thumb over his shoulder. Behind them, Liara is already climbing the tower's rickety ladder, headed for another panel.

Shepard gives a small shake of his head. "Then we'd better make this quick!" He dives forward to take cover behind a rock, James mirroring the action.

"How many have we got?" l suddenly realise that it's me he's asking, and hurry to count their attackers.

"Six husks - they're sort of clumping in front of you."

"Vega - group at 12 'o clock!" Shepard relays the information.

"On it." James yanks a grenade from a pouch on his belt, activates it, and lobs it in the direction of the group.

"Nice shot." I say as it explodes, taking the husks with it. "Four cannibals further back... behind those rocks you passed earlier. And a marauder - quick, it's in the open now!"

Shepard leans out from cover, sighting the creature quickly and firing a quick burst at it. The marauder's shields shatter loudly, but it keeps coming, aiming above Shepard's head at Liara. It doesn't see James until far too late; he finishes it with two blasts of his shotgun.

Bullets hit Shepard's shield where he's still out of cover; the cannibals have finally started to fire. "Liara? How's it looking?" Shepard calls to the Asari as he slides further behind the rock.

"Not so bad, from where I'm standing." Shepard jumps when the soft voice replies from right next to his ear. l smile; the girl is good.

Shepard does too, and not for the first time, I wonder where things stand between them. "We're done here?"

Liara doesn't reply immediately. Instead, she calmly stands so that she can see past their cover, and throws a singularity at the remaining cannibals. They are pulled off their feet by the ball of dark energy, and Liara takes out the creatures with four careful pistol shots. "We are."

"Shepard!" The Turian General's voice comes loudly through Shepard's Omni-Tool. "Whatever you did worked - comms are back online. Can you get back here?"

''Already on our way." The trip back to the outpost is uneventful for the squad; less so for me. I begin to feel a headache building in my temples, a stiffness which also works at my jaw and behind my ears. l shift my headphones, wondering if perhaps they are too tight.

My eyes drift from the screen to the clock on my desk. Good grief; I've been playing for more than two hours. Though l guess I'm using the term "playing" rather loosely. Either way, that probably explains my headache; I had no idea I'd been sitting here so long.

But this brings me to another problem. I can't sit here all afternoon; l have other things that really need my attention. But what will happen when I turn the computer off? l tap the escape key again, still nothing. l can't save today's "progress". Will everything start over when l next log in? Or will things keep going without me? Yet again I am reminded that l have no idea what is going on.

Or if anything even is happening, a little voice in my head pipes up. None of these people are real; it's all a game.

But they seem real. And I'm afraid that turning off the game could kill them.

My headache grows steadily worse as the triore-enters the Turian camp. After this mission, l might have to just turn it off and hope for the best.

Shepard returns to Corinthus, and is given the information I already told him; Victus is the next Primarch.

"And where can l find him?" Shepard asks, and I wonder if he's addressing the General or me.

"Perhaps that's something l can be of assistance with." The drawling voice comes from behind the team; another Turian approaches. Another familiar Turian.

"Garrus!" Shepard greets his old friend enthusiastically, his face unable to hide a crooked grin. "I thought you'd be on Palaven!"

"Shepard." Garrus replies with more restraint, but with a look which mimics the cheer of the Commander's. "If we lose this moon, we lose the planet. I'm the closest we have to an... expert on Reaper forces, so I'm here... advising." He sounds frustrated; like Shepard, he'd rather be fighting for his planet. "The Council is finally listening to you again?"

"Not sure I'd say that." At the mention of the Council, Shepard immediately sobers, his voice tinged with bitterness. "They believe that the Reapers are back now, though."

"Well, even they can't ignore what is happening right in front of them." Garrus waves his arm above them, and for the first time I realise that we have a view of Palaven, the Turian home world. The planet is riddled with craters and explosions; scars of the fight taking place on the surface. "So you're here for the Primarch?"

"In exchange for Turian support." Shepard nods. "You know Victus?"

Garrus gives a curt nod. "I was camped with him this morning."

"Any chance he hasn't moved on yet?"

Shepard isn't talking to me, but since I know the answer l reply. "He has, but not far. You'll catch him." My temple still aches; l rub a circle with my fingertips.

Garrus confirms, despite having not heard me. "I can take you to the last place we were; start looking there?" He looks pretty keen to go, too; like he's missed Shepard and the Normandy. I bet he has.

Corinthus has no other ideas, so Shepard nods. "Lead the way, Garrus."

**oOoOo**

Shepard hears from the Normandy on the way out to Victus's last known location. First comes a crackle of static, followed by a distorted voice and then silence.

"Joker?" Shepard holds up a hand to halt the group, concentrating on hearing the voice. When no reply comes, he speaks again, this time sounding worried. "EDI?"

More static, then finally, a clear voice. "I am here, Commander." EDI sounds distracted, and I realize with a jolt the reason why.

"Man, you have a surprise waiting for you back at the ship." I shouldn't say it, but when I get excited I just can't stop myself.

Shepard replies to us both at once, his voice agitated. "Somebody tell me what's going on."

I have no idea how to respond, so I let EDI answer. "We are currently experiencing some energy fluctuations on the Normandy. Jeff and l will have it fixed before you return."

"That all?" Shepard sounds doubtful; damn, why did l open my big mouth?

EDI assures him that everything is fine, but Shepard decides to send Liara back to the shuttle, just in case. Shepard, James and Garrus continue on, and I pan the camera as they go, watching for potential ambushes.

"Nearly there," Garrus finally says, and it's shortly after that that we hear gunshots. Ahead of the squad is a bottleneck; a small passage through a wall of rocks. Beyond it, a temporary camp is just visible, and it is from there that the sound is coming.

The trio rushes into the camp, joining the mass of confusion that inside. Scattered Turians fight off a horde of husks, as well as three much bigger creatures.

"Brutes!" I call out, hoping to warn Shepard.

"I see them."

James barrels past on his way to cover. "Can't miss them, believe it or not." He yells, guessing the gist of the exchange. "Oi! Over here - that's right!" As the beast gives him its attention, he pulls out a grenade and tosses it. The brute charges straight into the explosion. "Alright, who's next?"

Garrus has taken up cover behind a metal crate, and is picking off husks with his rifle; his sniping is incredible. One by one they jolt and collapse, dead before they land.

Shepard eyes the remaining brutes, trying to work out a plan. Right now they are confused; the squad's arrival has left them flanked and caught in a crossfire. "Are there only two left?"

"And some husks."

He lets out a rush of air. "Alright. Garrus, keep on the husks. James; any grenades left?"

"Just the one."

''Then make it count. Let's move up - take cover where you can." Without waiting for a reply, Shepard vaults the crate he was using as cover; sprinting for another.

Behind him, James doesn't even hesitate. "You got it!"

Shepard peppers the nearest brute with bullets; the beast covers its eyes with a huge arm as it turns to him. It drops to a crouch, still using its arm as a shield, and leans back.

"Not good!" I yell, a moment before it charges. Shepard dives to the side, the crate goes flying. For a moment, the creature is disoriented, jarred by the impact. James, feet away, takes advantage of its confusion. His Omni-Tool out, he leaps on top of the brute, ramming the blade into the base of its skull. The creature goes still.

Shepard gets to his feet, clearly pleased by the turn of events. "One to go!" They turn to the last brute; Turians from the camp have gathered on the roof of one of their portable cabins, and it is trying to reach them.

Shepard looks at James and it is clear they are thinking the same thing. While the creature pays them no attention, James pulls out his last grenade and gently rolls it between the brute's feet. It has no idea what hit it.

The battle over, Shepard finds Victus while l zone out. During the excitement, adrenaline eased my headache, but now it's back in full force. I take deep breaths and a sip from my water bottle, deciding to wait until I can have one last talk to Shepard before I go. I couldn't leave without letting him know, what would he think; that I'd abandoned them? That I really had been a Cerberus spy?

So I sit quietly as Shepard convinces the new Primarch to leave with them, and as he discovers that Garrus will be coming too. Cortez brings the shuttle to the four of them so they don't need to walk, and soon they're nearing the Normandy again.

But the closer we get, the more my head pounds until finally, just as the shuttle is docking, l decide I can no longer take it. "Shepard," l say, and l can tell my voice sounds strained.

He replies, but l can't make out words, just a buzz of noise. Pain shoots through my head like lightning; this is worse than any migraine I've ever had. l squeeze my eyes shut as waves of pain and nausea roll over me, my whole body shaking

And then suddenly, it stops. For a tentative few seconds, l keep my eyes closed, afraid that the pain will return at any moment. Then slowly, carefully, I open them.

But l can't believe what I'm seeing. Instead of my computer screen, I find myself looking at a panelled ceiling. Shocked, I blink rapidly, but nothing changes. "Holy shit." Normally l try not to swear, but I feel like this situation sort of warrants it.

l realise that I am now lying on some sort of bed or bench, and twist my head to the side, discovering that I am in a small cabin. A small, eerily familiar-looking cabin.

At my movement, a blaring alarm starts, only to cut off a moment later. I hardly notice though, too absorbed by growing suspicion.

"No." l breathe. I can't be where I think I am; this can't be the Normandy. It doesn't even exist! But if I'm not, and if it doesn't, then where am I? If this is some prank, then it's a damn good one.

Slowly I sit up, but I needn't worry, my headache's gone. As I go to swing my legs over the edge of the bench l'm on, l get a look at myself.

And get my second big shock in as many minutes. My legs are blue. Shiny, metallic, and very definitely blue. l go to touch them and see that my hands are the same shade.

"Oh my god." This was not supposed to happen. Hell, of course it wasn't- Mass Effect is just a game! Sure, I knew something was up when said game started playing itself; but, well, I guess deep down I still sort of thought I was just losing it. Though really, that theory works better now than ever...

I realise my thoughts are getting crazy and struggle to control myself. Losing it or not, I need to focus on the here and now until I can figure out what's really going on. Just as l start to calm down, I hear voices outside the room, and an explosion of vapour sends me reeling once again.

Easing myself off the bench, I hear the door slide open and I stumble on my feet. A pistol appears though the clouded doorway, followed by a man with close-cropped hair and stubble.

I gasp; even though I was half-expecting him, his arrival only drills home this strange reality. "Shepard!"

His mouth drops open, shock flitting across his features. I'm sure it mirrors my own. "Kid?"

I stutter, not sure what to say, how to explain what has happened. The first thing out of my mouth is definitely not the smartest. "This isn't what I meant when I said there was a surprise! I - I don't know what's happened-"

"EDl," Shepard's shock is replaced by grim decision as he interrupts me. "Shut her down."

l open my mouth to say something - what, I have no idea - but my mind goes blank. I crumple to the floor.

* * *

A/N: Hey there everyone! This chapter is up a day later than I intended, very sorry about that, but I've had my reasons. First up, editing it took longer than I expected, probably because it's the longest one so far. But also, I feel that this chapter is probably the game-changer; you guys are either gonna be pretty ok with the new direction, or you're gonna really hate it. I know that many of you liked the other format, so I understand if you choose to stop reading because of the change; if that's you, thanks for coming along for the ride, and thanks for your support! To everyone else, I hope you'll stick with me, and by all means tell me how you feel, or if there's anything you think I could improve.

While I remember - you have no doubt noticed that I don't strictly stick to the script when writing some dialogue and events. There's far too much to try to remember and copy, and I'm sure if you guys wanted exact conversations you would just play the game. Having said that, I am trying not to change too much, just bits and pieces to make the story flow better, or if I feel something might flesh out a character more. I apologise to anyone that doesn't like my edits, but that's just the way I've chosen to write this.

Blergh - I've verbally spewed enough for one chapter, I think (man I babble when I'm nervous, and that's definitely how I am about hitting publish this time around). As usual, props to all my reviewers (I think this time , I managed to get back to you all), and also to all my followers and favourite-ers :) The next chapter will be a while off, I am afraid, as Uni has just gone back, but I think it should hopefully be ready before the end of the fortnight. Anyways, thanks again everyone, have a lovely day!


	5. The Normandy

_If I break the glass then I'll have to fly,_

_There's no one to catch me if I take a dive._

_I'm scared of changing; the days stay the same,_

_The world is spinning but only in grey... _

_- Lindsey Stirling ft. Lzzy Hale, "Shatter Me"_

"Hellooo!" A hand swims into focus in front of my face. It waves back and forth, and I watch it as l try to remember what is going on. Where am l?

"Staring off into space again?" Something about the wording of that strikes me as terribly funny, and my mouth slips into a grin. The owner of the voice sees it. "So you're finally back with us."

l blink, and suddenly l know where I am. Above me are the leafy branches of a maple tree, and around me is the quadrangle of my old school; I'd once loved this spot. Sitting with me on a bench are my two best friends, Holly and Dwyer, who have apparently been trying to get my attention.

"Well?" Holly says, and I get the feeling she's just asked me a question.

l think. Nothing. I have no idea what she wants. I must have really zoned out.

Dwyer, inpatient for an answer, interrupts my silence. "We were talking about the Crucible, remember?"Ah, Mass Effect. I do vaguely remember thinking about the game, but... my thoughts suddenly change direction, zeroing in on a small detail, yet one big enough to grab my attention.

"Why are we at school?" It's a fair question, I think, seeing as I graduated three years ago and currently study at University. So why are we back here? And, come to think of it, Holly never attended this high school in the first place. It makes even less sense for her to be here.

But the two of them just share a look. Dwyer continues on as if l haven't spoken, adjusting his glasses as he talks. "You were in the middle of telling us about the Catalyst?"

The feeling that something is really off has been growing in my stomach, and now my concerns double. Why are they ignoring my question? Why are we here?

"You've played 'Three', you know all about the Catalyst." l reply, trying to sound casual, though inside my mind is buzzing. I have a hazy recollection of deciding that I can't tell anyone anything about the Crucible, or the Catalyst... or even the future, whatever that means. But when did I decide that, and why? And does it apply to my friends; to people I trust?

"But I haven't, Cen." Holly replies. She's saying something else, but it's too late; finally the alarm bells are ringing loud and clear.

Slowly, as normally as l can, l stand up, pretending to be rearranging my jeans. "What did you just call me?" l eye the gate across the quad, wondering if l can make it before they catch up; something is very wrong here.

Cen, short for Centiel - that's what she called me. I know I told someone that that's who I am, but I still can't remember who, and it's sure as hell not my real name. The real Holly definitely knows that.

"Who the hell are you?" They don't turn angry or violent as I'd feared, instead they look frustrated, and more than a little disappointed.

Holly sighs, and when she speaks, her voice is no longer her own; replaced by a soothing robotic tone. "Centiel, we only wish to know about the Catalyst."

EDI- the voice is EDI. With that recognition, memories flood in, vague at first, but growing in clarity. I remember playing on the computer, my strange link with Shepard... waking up in the robotic body that was once Dr. Eva.

And I also remember why l can't talk about the Catalyst; can't reveal the future. Certain things have to happen in order- I can't allow Shepard to just skip ahead.

"Nothing! There's nothing I can tell you!" l'm stepping backwards, thinking only of putting as much space between me and my "friends" as possible, when I hear a rumble. In a square all around me rises a thick wall of stone, the ground cracking slightly to make room. The roof closes over until I am alone in the dark, and I feel that I am safe.

But I still don't know where I am - I may have my memories back, but that doesn't explain any of this.

"It's not working, EDI." Shepard's voice echoes in my head. l glance around -he sounds so close- but I am alone in my tiny room. "Time to wake her up."

So I'm dreaming. The realisation doesn't exactly shock me; after the last few hours I'm not sure much would, but it does raise more questions. Where am I dreaming from? Will I wake up at home, in my room? Or on the Normandy?

"I cannot predict her reaction." EDI again, and like Shepard, she sounds right next to me.

"Understood. Do it."

Much like when l first fell into the game, I blink and the world is changed. But I'm not at home. Where-

Even as the question enters my mind, something appears in the corner of my vision. l start to worry, why do I have to be getting a migraine now?, but then I realize that it is writing. Writing?! l focus in on it; try to read what it says.

'Normandy SR-2 : Main Airlock.' As I concentrate on the words, a grid fades into existence before my eyes, and l realise it is a map... the layout of the ship.

Shaking my head, the images disappear, and I catch a glimpse of my blue legs and torso; l'm still in the body of the robot. It wasn't all a dream. Unless I'm still not awake?

I go to pinch myself, and suddenly realise that my hands are behind my back, held together by a strong binding. l gently stretch, testing its strength, and suddenly a strange idea appears in my mind.

I could break free. The thought swirls around and around, and as it does, my certainty grows. If I concentrate, I realize that l can even tell the exact level of force that breaking the binding would require.

How could I possibly know that?

Odd as it seems, I am struck by a sudden explanation; this body. If I am going to accept that I've truly been sucked into the world of a video game- and crazy as it is, I'm starting to feel as though that might have actually happened -then I guess l have to acknowledge that I am also now a robot. Or, part-robot? And ... apparently that comes with certain... abilities?

l mull the idea over for a moment.

Nope, I've clearly gone insane. There is absolutely no way that I am in a video game, wearing a robot body that can show me maps and predict the breaking point of rope or metal or whatever the binding is. Even crazier, earlier I thought I was talking to Shepard, that he was playing the game himself! The only explanation is that I've lost it completely; any minute now I'll snap out of this and find that I'm being dragged off to an asylum-

"Hey, kid." l jump at the voice. Startled out of my reverie, I look around for the source and find that the room I'm in has two large doors on opposing walls. One of the doors is solid and plain, but near the top of the other is a small window, and in it l see a face. Shepard.

For a long moment we just stare at one another. l marvel at the way he looks in real life... or whatever this is. Shepard simply frowns back at me; jaw set and eyes still.

''This was always the plan?" It doesn't really seem like a question, though it's framed as such. All the headway I've made thus far with him is gone, replaced completely by anger and suspicion. "Get me to trust you, then what? Take over the ship?!"

At first l can't speak; too much has happened. I'm still coming to grips with this strange reality, with being in a robot's body, and this new accusation has taken everything a step too far. "Of course not-"

"You really are all the same, aren't you?" Shepard interrupts me, and his voice has a dangerous edge to it, like he's only just staying in control. "You do whatever it takes; you lie, you steal. And you don't care who gets hurt!"

I hang my head at the low blow. He misinterprets the gesture as an admission of guilt, and continues angrily. "Well this ends now. The only reason you are still here is because I think you know more about the Crucible than you've let on."

"Is that why I'm in the airlock?" I ask him. I get my feet under me and stand carefully. With my hands behind my back, it should be difficult, but this body is perfectly balanced, and I can tell instinctively how much movement is necessary.

"Yes." Shepard doesn't sugar-coat his reply, and in a way, I am glad. At least I know exactly where we stand. "For the safety of my crew."

"So... first you tried to interrogate me through my dreams? And when that didn't work, you decided to try in person." I swallow, trying to keep my voice from shaking. How did I possibly get into this mess? "Shepard, please! I am not Cerberus; I have only tried to help you!"

"And I'm just supposed to believe that?!" He yells, and I flinch away from his anger. "l took a risk trusting you; I knew that, and I never should have done it." He takes a long, deep breath, fighting for control. ''Are you even human? Or have you just been programmed to act like one?"

Now I'm the one trying to control my rage. Why won't he just listen? l grit my teeth. "I am human. I am not Cerberus. I am trying to help you. I am not sure how I got here."

Shepard hears me out, but his stony face makes itclear that he doesn't believe a word. "Then how come it seems like Cerberus has been showing up everywhere we go - Mars, Surkesh?! The Illusive Man has to be getting his information from somewhere; and right now you're the only link!"

"I'm not-" Hang on, what did he just say? "Surkesh? You've already been to Surkesh?!" How long have l been here?!

"Yeah, and so have your buddies. Look, I'm not here to talk about that, and you know it." He ducks his head close to the glass and speaks in a low voice. "This is your only chance; tell me everything the Illusive Man has found out about the Catalyst."

l stare at him, wracking my brain for something, anything that will convince him. He stares right back, resignation written across every inch of his face."I can't."

"Alright then." I see him turn, disappear from view. In the next few seconds, l ride a torrent of emotions; fear, sadness, anger. How can he do this to me? This is the man who is supposed to save the Universe, unite all of the various races. Who is, at this moment, fighting to cure the Krogan Genophage. The man who-

It suddenly hits me. "Shepard!" l scream, stumbling over to the tiny window. I can see him in the room beyond, heading towards a panel on the wall. "How is Eve?!"

The question hits him like a bullet, stopping him dead. Only his head moves, turning to fix on me. "What did you say?"

With as much confidence as I can muster, I repeat the question. ''Eve. How is Eve?"

His eyes flicker upward, his forehead creases. Then, without another word, he leaves the room. l eye the now-forgotten panel, knowing even before my new information display pops up that it controls the airlock doors.

Sighing, I lean heavily against the wall. Death avoided. For now.

**oOoOo**

I'm left alone for a long time. For a while, l consider freeing my hands, but eventually I decide against it. Right now, it's probably best to avoid anything that could be taken as a sign of hostility.

Because I can't get myself to sit still, I take turns staring through the tiny window and pacing. And as I do, l analyse the situation.

First up: is any of this real? It's hard to tell. Maybe I've gone crazy, or maybe I'm dreaming... but maybe I'm not. Basically, what it boils down to is that this is the reality I'm currently faced with, so this is what I must deal with. Worrying about it will change nothing - at least, it hasn't so far - so l may as well try to enjoy it.

And, truth be told, I kind of am. Not the 'being tied up and sealed in an airlock' bit, but so far the rest isn't that bad. Mass Effect is my favourite game after all, so this is actually pretty exciting, right? If I can forget about the fact that l have friends and family back at home, who are probably -

No, I'm not going there. That is worrying, which is the exact l just decided I wouldn't do. Right then: item number two, my new body.

To be honest, l guess I really can't complain. Aside from the interesting computer-based perks I've already begun to discover, l recall that the robotic body is pretty easy on the eyes. Though right now I have little more than a skewed view of my torso and legs, l am sure that a mirror would reveal a slim, streamlined, athletic figure. That still somehow manages to include the right amount of curves.

No, I suppose I can't complain. But there's still a funny feeling bugging me... a certain sense of nakedness. Man, I really hope I'm wearing something. Closer inspection somewhat puts my fear to rest. While I'm not exactly wearing clothes, it appears that Cerberus created the body with that in mind; it has been designed to look as though I am.

These two currently-most-pressing issues addressed, I move onto other thoughts. For a while I analyse the room beyond the airlock. I can only see part of it, but l can tell that it is small, probably used as a scanning and processing area for those boarding the ship. My suspicions are confirmed when the Normandy's blueprint again fades into existence in my vision.

A useful trick, but it's going to become seriously annoying if I don't work out how to control it. I wonder what else this body can do? It has impeccable balance, as I've already discovered, and I realise with a jolt that I don't feel any discomfort; thirst, hunger, pain, fatigue. To pass the time, I begin to systematically test its flexibility, finding no limits to what it can do.

"I'm hardly human." I say slowly, speaking for what must be the first time in hours. My new skills have left me with a sense of awe, but also a terrible feeling of loneliness and confusion; as if I have lost an important part of myself. All of the life feels drained from me, and l finally decide to sit.

It's at that moment that Shepard decides to walk through the door. I wonder if this is what he's been waiting for; if he's been watching patiently until l gave up.

The door hisses and splits apart, disappearing into the walls beside it. Shepard steps calmly into the room, his pistol surprisingly holstered. He probably doesn't need it though, with EDI able to shut me down at a moment's notice.

"I think it's time we had that talk."

* * *

**A/N:** Hey everyone! Sorry for the super long time since the last update, between work, essays, exams, tonsillitis, and my birthday, life got crazy, and today is the first time I've really had a good chance to sit down and get things worked out. (As a result, the editing of this chapter may not be that top, so please give me a buzz if anything truly horrendous leaps out at you!)

Basically, thanks for all your patience, and for all my followers and reviewers (new and old)! Next chapter should actually be out within the fortnight, because hopefully things are calming down, which means I should be able to catch up on replying and reading as well!

Have a lovely day/week, everyone :)


	6. The Truth

_I know you're lying to me,_

_Cause your palms start to sweat,_

_And your knees are getting heavy._

_- Amy Meredith, "Lying"_

Shepard stands in front of me; just casually out of arm's reach. Clearly my comment about Eve has had some effect on his perception of me, but not enough to convince him I'm not a threat.

"What exactly do you want to know?" With no idea where to begin- or even how much to tell -l figure l might as well let Shepard ask his questions, and then try to work out how to answer.

His incredulous expression, however, tells me that my plan has backfired. "What do l want - what don't I want to know?!" So he's still angry... guess I should have expected that. "How about who you really are? How the hell you got here? How you know so damn much about us all?"

"It's complicated-"

"Why do I feel like you just don't want to tell me?" Well... probably because I don't. "Look, kid. I'm gonna make it simple for you. If you want to spend any more time on this ship, you're gonna need to explain yourself. You're out of free passes, and you're becoming far more trouble than you're worth. So what are you gonna choose?"

For a long moment l simply gather my thoughts. I'm going to tell him the truth, that's already decided; I'm not the best liar and I'm worse at thinking on my feet. But that doesn't mean l intend to tell him all of it. "I'll tell you what I can; it won't explain everything. But-" l hurry on, seeing a displeased look cross his face. ''That's because I don't understand everything that's happened."

I pause for a moment, gauging Shepard's reaction. He still doesn't look happy, but most of his anger appears to have abated. He leans back against the wall and nods sharply, a sign to continue.

"Well, uh, what I've already told you is true; before l ended up here," l gesture around us with my chin, "I was in front of a computer screen. A screen that you were on. And if I used the headset, I could talk to you. Before you ask - yes, that is one of the things I can't explain; l really have no idea how it was even possible. So, that part I've already told you. What I didn't mention is that I wasn't, well I don't think I was, in this... Universe... thing."

I stop again, this time because Shepard is holding up his hand to interrupt. "What does that even mean?"

"I mean that l was on Earth, but not the same one that exists... here. Look, the Earth that l come from has hardly discovered space travel; we've barely visited the moon, and we certainly don't have any extraplanetary colonies. When the Reaper attack started on your Earth, I was sitting in my room in Australia, and there was certainly nothing strange going on." Except, perhaps, a video game becoming real.

He processes this slowly. "You're talking about a parallel Universe." A raised eyebrow enhances his tone of disbelief.

Dear god. He's trying to fight off a race of sentient machines -in space- but the idea of another Universe is too far-fetched? "I don't know, maybe!" I can't help sounding exasperated. I know I have no right to, but I wish he would just believe me and stop asking questions that I don't even have answers to. "All I do know is that where I come from, its 2014, not 2186, and none of this exists; Mass Relays, the Normandy, Reapers. Even you don't. Which is why I was so surprised when I saw you on the computer." Well, that was part of it.

"Yeah?" He asks, and now his tone is downright sardonic. "And how do you know we don't?"

This is it. The question that all the others were leading up to; the answer that will change everything. And I still haven't decided exactly what to say. But I have to start somewhere, so l dive right in. "Because, well, in my world, your story is kinda well-known." Not the whole truth, but close enough. "Me and a bunch of others know a fair bit about it, from that first shake-down run where you met Saren, till now, and even some of the things that will happen later."

"What type of-" He begins to speak, but l interrupt him, not ready to deviate just yet. We can hash out details later, if there is a later. Right now he needs to understand the big picture.

"But in my world, that's all you are: a story. Science Fiction, a prediction of the future. Told for entertainment. Not real." I realize how harsh l sound, but there's no easy way to say it. With everything finally in the open, I wait for Shepard's reply.

"That's just..." He studies my face, his brow crinkling. Apparently he finds nothing useful, because when he eventually speaks again, it isn't to me. "EDI?"

"Centiel's body language, processing and response time, among certain other internal indicators, suggest that she may indeed be telling the truth."

I'm relieved by this analysis, despite the fact that I haven't really lied, just omitted certain details. Shepard however, remains unconvinced, and frankly; it does still sound crazy, even to me. "She's a mech, EDI." He sighs, clearly growing agitated again. "How does body language even come into it?"

"Perhaps she is. However, she appears to behaving in ways which are incompatible with a Vl or even an Al. Instead, Centiel has shown behaviour patterns comparable to that of a human, and so I have assessed her with such parameters."

"Behaviour patterns comparable to humans?" Shepard repeats, watching me closely, as if trying to see what she's talking about. "So you're saying she really might be, or have been, human?"

I am getting pretty tired of being spoken about as if I'm not here. However, it seems EDI is doing a better job at bringing Shepard around than I was, so I hold my tongue.

"If you look closely, you can see that Centiel is carrying out human processes that are unnecessary for a robotic body to function." EDI sounds almost... proud of this observation. "Which suggests that she is, in fact, carrying these out subconsciously because her human body relied on them. For example, she is still attempting to carry out respiration, despite its lack of necessity."

Respiration. Breathing. Her suggestion that it is unessessary hits me like a sucker punch to the gut as I realize l have still been doing it, even though she's probably right. Curious despite myself, I suck in a breath and hold it. l count over a minute, yet feel no impulse to let out the breath or take in another.

"That is some Matrix stuff right there." As I speak, I realise Shepard is still staring, his face unreadable. The reference clearly went right over his head; I wonder if the same movies even exist in this time. l stare back at him, wishing I could tell if he believed me or not. And as I concentrate, the display again begins to fade into my vision, this time highlighting areas of his face, a readout giving me analyses of his expression.

Man, the perks of this machine are unbelievable. For a second I am tempted to use it; to read into Shepard, learn what I can. But it feels somehow wrong, so I shake it away.

"So you don't think she's lying." He sounds conflicted, as though this news is more disturbing than if I'd actually turned out to be a Cerberus spy."My current data suggests that she is not."

Without a word, Shepard straightens and heads for the door. I feel like the next few moments may be crucial, and want to have one last say before my fate is sealed.

"Shepard!" He pauses at my call, one hand on the door. "It sounds crazy, I know that. I wouldn't believe it myself if it hadn't happened to me. But it did, and please, all I want is to help."

He exhales slowly. "Noted." And with that, he is gone, leaving me alone once again.

**o0o0o**

Shepard is not gone as long this time as before, though the wait is still torturous. Nervous and edgy, l fidget and squirm, before returning to pacing once again. By the time he returns I feel ready to explode.

But hard as I find it, I wait for him to speak first. Over his shoulder, I can see the small window, and in it appears a scarred face. James. I choose to take his appearance as a good sign; apparently now I am considered safe enough for the crew to come oggle at. Or, on the other hand, perhaps he's just come to watch me get ejected into the vacuum of space.

Now that Shepard's here, he seems lost for words; as though he had a perfectly planned speech but forgot it. "You know the future?"

l really thought we'd covered this, but he seems to need a lot of reassuring, so I nod. "Parts of it."

"And you will use that knowledge to help fight the Reapers?"

l nod again, suddenly aware of how fixated his stare has become. He studies me silently for a long time.

"I've talked to my squad; it's been decided that you stay for now. But you are confined to the crew deck, unless EDI or I give you permission to go elsewhere. You are not to go into the main Battery, the Al Core, Life Support, or near Liara's computers. You are not to go near weapons or crew lockers. Break any of these rules, and you will be shut down immediately; you will not be rebooted again. Understood?"

"Shepard-"

"Is that understood?" His voice takes on a dangerous edge, and I wonder if this is how things are going to be from now on. No friendship, no trust, simply following instructions and answering questions.

Feeling numb, l reply. "Yes."

Shepard's mouth settles into a grim line, and he lets out a long breath. "Let's go." He ushers me before him to the door, and out into the processing room.

Finally out of the airlock, I discover the real reason for James' presence. Together, he and Shepard escort me into the main hall of the ship, sandwiched between them like a prisoner. I don't quite like the resemblance.

As we move, I get glimpses of almost-familiar areas of the ship; a silhouette that is surely Joker in the cockpit, a woman who must be Samantha Traynor working at a console beside the huge galaxy map. Curious, almost fearful crew members stare as we pass, and l have to remind myself that not long ago this body was considered a threat.

I'm not given time to drink everything in, much as I wish to, because suddenly we're at the elevator, James punching the button to take us down a level. "Have to say, forastero, you certainly picked a good body to jump into."

I have no idea what he just called me, but it shouldn't really come as a surprise. I recall him saying something similar to Shepard about EDl's figure, though l didn't really expect it said to my face. Grateful that I am unable to blush, I ignore the comment and ask the question that's been plaguing me. "What, uh... . do you want me to do?"

The elavator stops, its doors opening, and Shepard gestures for me to step out. For the smallest moment, his anger seems to vanish. I wonder if he truly hates me, or if it's simply a sign of his growing stress; the way it was back on Mars. And then the moment's gone. "Right now, I don't care. Just remember what I said, and don't make trouble. James, suit up, we're-"

The doors shut, cutting him off, but he was done talking to me anyway. They're leaving the ship again? Where are they going? Tuchanka? Or... what else do you have to do after Surkesh? How far through the game are we?

"Centiel." EDI's voice breaks through my frantic thinking, and I realise I have been just staring at the elavator doors. "Shepard says that you may remove your shackles." Ah. I'd forgotten that my hands were even bound, I've been moving so effortlessly without them. Now I stretch them apart, and with a snap the binding breaks apart. EDI's words sink in, and I realize that they knew I could free myself the whole time.

"Was... that a test?" I ask her slowly, turning to check my surroundings. I feel a little uneasy thinking of EDI as the ship; all around me, rather than a physical presence I can pinpoint.

"Not entirely." She sounds oddly amused, and offers nothing more by means of explanation. Embarrassed by the thought of being the butt of some joke, I decide that all I want right now is to sit and think. Preferably in a dark corner. Alone.

The enormity of my situation washes over me yet again, bringing with it a near-crippling anxiety.

What am I going to do? Am I stuck here? For how long? Will Shepard get rid of me, just dump me on some backwater planet then leave?

Focus! I've zoned out again, still standing in front of the elavator, this time staring at a wall. With a jolt, I recognize it as the remembrance wall. Seeing it puts a knot in my stomach; drives home the awful future looming ahead for this Universe. I'm about to turn away when some names catch my eye: Tali'Zorah Nar Rayya, Miranda Lawson. Another scan reveals two more; Mordin Solus and Legion. They sit below one last, Ashley Williams, although hers at least I knew to expect.

So now I know the full extent of the Suicide Mission's sacrifices. Those deaths are on me; careless choices made without a second thought.

The hallway is empty, and I recognise it as leading

to the two observation decks, crew quarters and bathrooms, as well as opening onto the rest of the deck. I'm not going out there, yet anyway, that's for sure. I need time to calm down, to think, to work out what I'm doing. I have so many questions, and I have a feeling that it could be a while before I get all the answers.

So I will take this one step at a time. First, I'm gonna go to Starboard Observation. I don't think I've ever seen anyone other than Kaidan or Shepard in there, so hopefully I'll be alone; Shepard's about to go on a mission, and I don't think Udina's coup has happened yet. Next, I'm gonna snag a couch, curl into a ball, and figure all this out. Finally, and most importantly, I'm gonna regain Shepard's trust, destroy the Reapers, save everyone, and go home.

There. Simple.

* * *

I know, I'm a horrendible person. I'm so sorry for having this up so late, but I've been having serious writer's block on the next chapter, and I like to be ahead. However, because it was taking so long, I decided "stuff it", so I'm putting this up now, and my schedule's just gonna have to deal with it.

Thanks again for all the support, getting comments and followers and favourites really means a lot, and I super appreciate it, which makes me feel worse that this chapter has been so long in coming.

Also, you may have noticed: I've added lyrics (cue collective groan from people who hate stuff like that. Pro Tip; you don't like them, you are more than welcome to not look at them). Music is a massive, super-important part of my life, and as such motivates and informs my writing. I listen to it a lot while I'm writing, so I decided to start including quotes from some of the stuff that I thought went with parts of the story or which got me pumped while writing (I even went back and updated the previous chapters, in case you're interested - not content or story-wise, don't worry, just with a musical quote at the start of each.) There are also a few that have absolutely no relevance at all, I just have a dumb sense of humour.

Anyway, thanks for sticking by me, and I hope you see you all in future chapters too :)


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